So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.