guess who came home with a hottie last night
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.