stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.