Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
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She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.