I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
