please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....