he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
