All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
