Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
