I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
