I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
