you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
