Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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