I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
