Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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