I feel like I'm in dance class right now
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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