the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
