Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
