i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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