there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
