i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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