Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
