I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
