You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my being single is dangerous.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
