just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
