Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
