yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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