I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
