some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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