New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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