Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You took a bar mat shot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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