he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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