So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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