Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
