Someone shit on the floor
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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