Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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