fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize