He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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