dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
