Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
