When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I enjoy the company of your penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
