I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
