she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
