That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
