He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk is a universal language darling
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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