Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
