And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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