Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
love makes seman taste better
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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