eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
