Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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