She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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