Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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