There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
