You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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