Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
