I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
