So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
