Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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