I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
