The maid of honor just puked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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