I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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