Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
