Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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