You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just puked most of my soul out..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
