My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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