i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
