i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
