saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
