Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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