Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
